Musar for Eruvin 82:29

... it is unnecessary to remark that someone who has an intelligent wife, the gift of G-d, has found a good wife. Certainly a thread of grace is draped upon her and she is beloved unto her husband. However, a man unto whom a challenging lot has fallen – a difficult wife – must be very careful. He stands before a great test and requires determination to behave towards her with peace and affection in honor of the Divine Presence. These are subjects of ancient wisdom. A person should be aware that even among eminent men the "fire has fallen". To the extent that our Sages noted (Yevamot 63a), "… It is enough that they save us from iniquity and raise our children to Torah." A person should also be cognizant of the saying of our Sages (Shabbat 33b), "The minds of woman are prone to superficiality."People say, "A woman's hair is long and her mind is short." Therefore, intelligence must originate with him. If she violates his will and angers him, he must control his emotions so that he does not become angry with her, and it need not be said to shame, curse, or strike her, Heaven forbid. This is the practice of boors and frivolous and rash individuals – in actuality he hurts himself! Rather with soft speech and sweet words he should admonish her. In any case he should bear the yoke and be insulted rather than insulting, and accept upon himself the judgment of Heaven with joy – because each woman is sent to a man from G-d. In truth, according to the dictum of our Sages (Eruvin 41b), "Someone who has a bad wife will not see Gehinom", it would be proper to seek a bad wife if he could stand the test, considering the enormous severity of the punishment of Gehinom. If he passes the test, then he will not inherit two Gehinoms (one in this world and one in the World t Come)! Rather he should accept her with love and he will receive a fine reward for his labors.