פירוש על קידושין 62:18

And brings him to the World-to-Come: As he honors him by speaking good and consoling words to him, and he imposes the work upon him with a soft expression. He shows him the imminent need, that they are only able to be sustained by this strain. And the text in the Yerushalmi Gemara (Jerusalem Talmud Kiddushin 1:7:10) has a story about both of them: The story of the one who feeds his father pheasant is [that] one day, his father said to him, "From where do you get all these?" He said to him, "Old man, what do you care, grind and eat" - meaning, chew and eat! He showed him that it was difficult for him. And also a story about the one who grinds with a millstone [is that] he had an old father and the king sent a requisition for his father for the king's work. His son said to him, "Father, grind; and I will go in your place to the king's work which has no limit."

Avimi had five ordained sons during his father’s lifetime: But even so, when Rabbi Abbahu called at the gate, Avimi would run and open [it] for him and he would not let one of his sons go [do it].

Yes, yes: I will open [it], I will open [it].

It aided him: While he was still bent before him; such that he understood one of the psalms in the book of Psalms that he had not understood [how] to expound beforehand. And some explain that he only expounded this one verse (Psalm 79:1): "A Song of Asaph, God, the nations invaded your inheritance" - It should have stated, "A Lament of Asaph." And he expounded thus - that Asaph said a song that the Holy One, blessed be He, consumed His anger on wood and stone that was in His house; and because of this, exonerated the survivors in Israel. For were it not for this, Israel (lit. the enemies of Israel) would not have left any survivors. And this is what it says, (Lamentations 4:11) "The Lord has spent His fury, He has poured out His fierce anger, and He has kindled a fire in Zion."

It aided him: While he was bent over him, he understood and expounded "A song for Asaf; God, the gentiles have entered Your inheritance." For he could not understand it before this and expound it. And some explain that just this verse itself [and not the chapter] did he expound, "It should not be 'Song' for Asaf, rather 'Lamentation' for Asaf! And he expounded that Asaf sang for the fact that God spent His anger on sticks and stones of His house, and thus allowed Israel to survive. For if not for that, he would not have allowed even one Israelite (lit. the enemies of Israel) to survive. And so, the verse states (Lamentations 4:11), "God spent His anger and a fire went out in Zion." So explains Rashi. But there is a Midrash that Asaf said song because the gates sank into the ground. It is compared to a maidservant who went to draw water from the well and whose pitcher fell into the well. She became distraught and began to cry - until the king’s maidservant came to draw water carrying a golden pitcher, and it too, fell into the well. At which point the first maidservant began to sing. ‘Till now’, she exclaimed, I didn’t think that anybody would retrieve my cheap earthenware pitcher from the well. But now, whoever retrieves the golden pitcher, will retrieve mine as well!’ In the same way, when the sons of Korach, who were swallowed up inside the earth, saw how the gates of the Temple sunk into the ground, they proclaimed ‘Whoever rescues the gates will also rescue us!’ That explains why Asaf, who was from the family of Korach, said ‘Mizmor.’

[Regarding one] such as I: Since I am beloved to my father and precious to my mother - so they do this from me - what should I do?

Since he is a Torah scholar he will be disheartened: If you accept service from him.

Rabbi Tarfon had a mother: It is found in the Yerushalmi (Yerushalmi Kiddushin 1:7:7): Once the mother of Rabbi Tarfon lost her slipper in her courtyard. So she out from her couch to find it, and Rabbi Tarfon went and put his hands under her feet on the ground so that her feet would not get soiled; and she treaded on his hands. And also found in the Yerushalmi (Kiddushin 1:7:8) is that each and every time Rabbi Yishmael would arrive from the study hall, his mother would wash his feet and drink the water. When Rabbi Yishmael heard that she would do this, he refused [to do] the thing. [That was] until she went before the Sages and complained about her son, Rabbi Yishmael; that he was not fulfilling the commandment of honoring [parents]. And the Sages were confounded about the thing and asked Rabbi Yishmael. So he told them the story, and they commanded him to let her do [what] she wants, and that [her] honor was in this way.

Fortunate is one who never saw them: As it is impossible to fulfill [the stipulations of] their honor as fully required. So he is punished over them.

His foster mother: Nanny.

You are determined to leave:He reasoned that he intended to go back to his place, to Babylonia.

Return you in peace: To your place.

He said to him: Rav Asi [said] to Rabbi Elazar, "Perhaps, God forbid, Rabbi Yochanan is angry with me."

One who goes to a place on the command of his father: If he knows about the people of the place, that they give honor to his father - to accept words that he would say in his name - he should not attach the honor to himself. And he should attach the honor to his father, even if he knows that they would honor him the same as his father.

Send me on Father’s behalf: As he needs me. But if the word of his father is not listened to like his own word in a place, he should not attach [it] to his father. For then it is [only] a disgrace.

May I be an atonement for his resting: All the bad which is supposed to come upon his soul should come upon me.

From then onward: He already received what he [needed to] receive. For the judgment of the wicked among Israel in Geihinnom is only twelve months.

A Sage changes the name of his father, etc.: A Sage, who expounds a teaching in public and whispers [it] to the disseminator who orates [it], changes the name of his father and the name of his teacher. If he is coming to say a matter of law that his father or his teacher said, he whispers to the disseminator, "This is what my father, my teacher said; this is what my master, my teacher said."

But the disseminator: The one who orates it to the public does not change [the name], but rather calls him by his name and says, "This is what x said."

Whose father: Does the disseminator not change.

If we say the father of the disseminator: If the Sage whispers a matter of law in the name of the father of the disseminator to orate [it] to the public in the name of the one that said it, he would not change [it]; to say, "This is what my father, my teacher said." Rather he would call him by his name.

Is that to say the disseminator is not obligated: [Is] he [not obligated] to honor his father.

When he would teach at his regular lecture: And whisper a matter of law to the disseminator in the name of Rav Ashi, his father - he would say to the disseminator, "This is what my father, my teacher said."

And his disseminator: When he orates [it] to the public in the name of the one that said it, he says, "This is what Rav Ashi said." And he does not say, "This is what the father and the master of the Sage said.'

One may not stand in his place: In the place designated for his father to stand there, in the council of elders with his colleagues, for counsel.

And he may not choose sides (lit., determine it): If his father and another Sage were disagreeing about a matter of law, he may not say, "The words of x appear [correct]."

This tradition is found more elaborated in the Yerushalmi, and it is basically impossible to understand the Bavli without the Yerushalmi. There we read:
There is one who feeds his father fatted birds and inherits Gehenom and one who ties his father to a mill and inherits heaven.
How is it that one can feed his father fatted birds and inherit Gehenom? There once was a man who fed his father fatted birds. Once, his father said to him, “Son, where did you get this?” He said back, “Old man, eat and shut up like a dog.” It turns out that while he feeds his father fatted birds, he still inherits Gehenom.
How is it that one can tie his father to a mill and still inherit heaven? There once was a man who was a wheat-grinder. A command came from the king to the grinder. The son said to his father, “Father, grind in my place so that if they come to disgrace or beat (one of us) better they should disgrace or beat me and not you.” [The king would first take those who were not working]. It turns out that he ties his father to the mill, and still inherits heaven.
We should note that it in all of these sources the parallel in the Yerushalmi is usually easier to understand. It seems that the Bavli inherited its sources in some sort of truncated form.

"Until he woke up, he received support for the matter and Avimi expounded (Psalms 79) Mizmor Le'Asaf" - See Rashi, and Tosafot, and the Chiddushei Aggadot of the Meharsha z”l. In my humble opinion, it seems to be that the simple explanation is that regarding Avimi fulfilling the commandment of Kibud very well, that after he had brought the water requested of him, he added to that by standing over him until he awoke, that was not necessary except to fulfill the commandment on an extra level. He perceived this, and merited to understand Mizmor L’asaf. This is not Mizmor 79 that Rashi and Tosafot say, but rather Mizmor 73, which is the beginning of the words of Asaf, who says (Psalms 73:2-3) “But as for me, my feet had almost turned away, in an instant my steps would have been swept away. For I envied the perverse; I would see the tranquility of the wicked.” That whole Mizmor is about being very pained about the length of the exile, like it is also written, (Psalms 73:17) “Until I came to the sanctuaries of God, and I understood their end.” Almost all Mizmor L’asaf chapters are about the length of the last exile by the hands of the descendants of Esau, and that Mizmor ends, “You lead me with Your counsel, and after honor You receive for me.” And there is a Midrash (Yalkut Shimoni on Nach 808:12), “Said Rabbi Yehudah ben Beteira, “You lead me with your counsel of the Torah, after (achar) honor You receive for me, the great honor that Esau did for his parents, that You will eventually grant us. Rav Huna said in the name of R. Nechunya, The honor of Jacob was delayed (icher) in this world, because of the great honor that Esau showed his parents,” see at length in the Yalkut. And what we find with Esau is exactly what is described in the story of Avimi, who got up for his father, and would always feed him and give him drink. And if so, with this did Avimi gain “support for the matter”, that he understood in the lines of Asaf in those Mizmors. That is, it states “Mizmor L’asaf” because all Esau had as good deeds was this honor, which gave him such prosperity in this world, and from that you can learn the great merit of the righteous in this world and the next, which is how the Midrash ends, “After honor You receive for me,” that You will eventually grant to us. So it seems to me as correct, with God’s help, were it not for Rashi and Tosafot writing differently, that it refers to Psalm 79, and even according to what I wrote it makes sense to also refer to Mizmor 79, but it seems that the real main derash [of Avimi] is the beginning of the Mizmor L’asafs. And it’s possible that all of these are the same, and you should look and you will find, and perhaps the Omnipresent granted me from Heaven with this [idea].

"He received support for the matter, and expounded (Psalm 79) 'A Song for Asaf, God, the gentiles have entered your inheritance'"- Rashi explains... But in the Yerushalmi, he expounded another matter, that since Asaf, who was from the descendants of Korach, saw that the gates of the Temple sunk into the ground, he became happy, and he said, “The One who will eventually raise these gates will raise my grandfather.” It is compared to a poor man’s daughter who was drawing water from a well with a wooden bucket, and it falls into the well, and she cried. The king's daughter then came and drew with a golden bucket, and it fell into the well. When she saw that, the poor daughter became happy. She said, the one who will retrieve the bucket of the king’s daughter will bring mine up as well.

Abimi, R. Abahu’s son, was particularly scrupulous in performing the mitzvah of honoring his father. Interestingly, his father is again asleep.
Rashi asks what is so special about Psalm 79? He explains that this Psalm really should be a lament to Asaf, for in it the Temple is defiled and destroyed. The darshan, however, explains the positive side—while the Temple is destroyed, the people were not all killed. God took God’s full wrath out on stones, and thereby a remnant of the people was saved.

Abimi, R. Abahu’s son, was particularly scrupulous in performing the mitzvah of honoring his father. Interestingly, his father is again asleep.
Rashi asks what is so special about Psalm 79? He explains that this Psalm really should be a lament to Asaf, for in it the Temple is defiled and destroyed. The darshan, however, explains the positive side—while the Temple is destroyed, the people were not all killed. God took God’s full wrath out on stones, and thereby a remnant of the people was saved.

R. Ya’akov b. Abahu’s parents honor him by pouring him wine even before he comes home. But can he accept such an honor? Abaye says that he may accept it from his mother, but not his father, for his father is also a Torah scholar. We can sense here the tension between the honor due a person because he is a scholar, and the honor due a person as a parent. R. Ya’akov is a scholar, and thus his parents honor him. But they are his parents, and he should honor them. The solution is that he may indeed accept this honor from them, but only if it does not at the same time dishonor his father as a scholar.

R. Tarfon helps his mother get in and out of bed (yup, he’s the Jewish Oedipus) and doing so leads him to think he’s really the greatest at honoring his parents. He thinks he’s so great at it, that he goes and brags in the Bet Midrash. There the other rabbis put him in his place—really honoring your mother means not shaming her when she acts crazy in public, even when she causes you a financial loss.

R. Joseph literally thinks his mother is like God. One of my sons was like this when he was little—wanted nothing to do with me. It’s gotten better since then, but he’s still not crying out “I will arise before the Shekhinah” when I come into the room. I’m lucky if he looks up from his screen.

This is really one of the saddest portions of the Talmud I know. Honoring one’s mother and father is so difficult that it is better not to have known them.
I should say that while honoring one’s mother and father is difficult (and has been difficult for me, more than I usually admit), I certainly am happy to have shared so many years with mine, and I hope that my children someday feel the same way about me.
Abaye here claims that he never knew his mother. But elsewhere he frequently quotes his mother. The claim is that she is not his mother, but his foster-mother, the one woman who raised him.

What a great and tragic story—R. Assi is being pursued by his overbearing mother, who wants to marry a man who looks just like her son (kind of sad). So he runs away to Eretz Yisrael, but she chases after him. He then wants to go greet her, maybe save her some of the difficulty of the travel. But now we have an opportunity to hear of the relative value of honoring one’s parents vis a vis remaining in the land of Israel. He gets permission to leave, but before he gets to her, his mother has died. And now he has lost out on both counts—he did not get to fulfill the mitzvah of honoring his mother, and he left the land of Israel.
The relationship between parents and children is surely the most difficult relationship of many people’s lives.

What a great and tragic story—R. Assi is being pursued by his overbearing mother, who wants to marry a man who looks just like her son (kind of sad). So he runs away to Eretz Yisrael, but she chases after him. He then wants to go greet her, maybe save her some of the difficulty of the travel. But now we have an opportunity to hear of the relative value of honoring one’s parents vis a vis remaining in the land of Israel. He gets permission to leave, but before he gets to her, his mother has died. And now he has lost out on both counts—he did not get to fulfill the mitzvah of honoring his mother, and he left the land of Israel.
The relationship between parents and children is surely the most difficult relationship of many people’s lives.

What a great and tragic story—R. Assi is being pursued by his overbearing mother, who wants to marry a man who looks just like her son (kind of sad). So he runs away to Eretz Yisrael, but she chases after him. He then wants to go greet her, maybe save her some of the difficulty of the travel. But now we have an opportunity to hear of the relative value of honoring one’s parents vis a vis remaining in the land of Israel. He gets permission to leave, but before he gets to her, his mother has died. And now he has lost out on both counts—he did not get to fulfill the mitzvah of honoring his mother, and he left the land of Israel.
The relationship between parents and children is surely the most difficult relationship of many people’s lives.

This baraita talks about how one honors one’s parents. Honoring means attributing credit to them in their lifetime and remembering them for a blessing in their death.

This baraita talks about how one honors one’s parents. Honoring means attributing credit to them in their lifetime and remembering them for a blessing in their death.

When quoting a tradition in the name of his father or teacher, a sage should not say his name. This is considered disrespectful. But when the meturgeman, sort of a loudspeaker who would say the sage’s words in a very loud voice, quotes the tradition he can say the sage’s father’s or teacher’s name.

When quoting a tradition in the name of his father or teacher, a sage should not say his name. This is considered disrespectful. But when the meturgeman, sort of a loudspeaker who would say the sage’s words in a very loud voice, quotes the tradition he can say the sage’s father’s or teacher’s name.

This baraita outlines the difference between fearing and honoring one’s parents. I think that what the baraita defines as “fear” we would call “honor.” Tipping the scales refers to expressing an opinion that differs with one’s father. [I should note that there are plenty of cases in the Talmud where a rabbi does disagree with his father].
Honoring is essentially helping a parent materially—making sure they have food, drink, clothing and someone to help them when its hard for them to walk.

The rabbis dispute who must pay, but ultimately the majority holds that the parent must use his own funds to provide for himself. I should note that this section assumes that both parties have resources.