ת"ר האוהב את אשתו כגופו והמכבדה יותר מגופו והמדריך בניו ובנותיו בדרך ישרה והמשיאן סמוך לפירקן עליו הכתוב אומר וידעת כי שלום אהלך האוהב את שכיניו והמקרב את קרוביו והנושא את בת אחותו
Our Rabbis taught: Concerning a man who loves his wife as himself, who honours her more than himself, who guides his sons and daughters in the right path and arranges for them to be married near the period of their puberty, Scripture says, And thou shalt know that thy tent is in peace.<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' Job V, 24.
');"><sup>49</sup></span> Concerning him who loves his neighbours, who befriends his relatives, marries his sister's<span class="x" onmousemove="('comment',' This is a meritorious act, because the affection a man has for his sister will be extended to her daughter, his wife. ');"><sup>50</sup></span> daughter,
Pele Yoetz
The love between a husband and wife must be a passionate one. We will begin with the love of the husband to his wife for the declaration of our Sages (Yevamot 62b) is known, "That the husband is obligated to love his wife as himself and to honor her more than himself." Nonetheless, he may not compromise his service of G-d because of his love for her. The tanna (Avot 1:5) already cautioned, "Do not speak excessively with a woman. This is referring to one's wife, for anyone who does speak excessively with a woman causes evil to himself, is idle from words of Torah, and in the end will inherit Gehinom." Our Sages said (Baba Metzia 59a), "One who goes after the counsel of his wife falls into Gehinom." In light of this condition, every wise man must act with cleverness. As our Sages commented (Sanhedrin 107b), "The left hand should push away as the right hand brings close." The primary love is the love of the soul. It is incumbent upon the husband to admonish his wife with pleasant words, to guide her in the ways of modesty, to distance her from slander, anger, cursing, the mention of G-d's name in vain, and similar things in the Orders of Nashim and Nezikin. He should caution her in regard to the details of mitzvot – especially in the areas of prayer, blessings of benefit from this world, the observance of Shabbat, etc. How good and how pleasant it would be for him to teach her ideas of ethical improvement and to share with her words of the Sages in all matters that are relevant to her and their severity. Then her heart will tremble and she will be even more careful thana man.
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